Communication

Not long ago we shared five obstacles to becoming an effective listener because good listening is an essential skill for a happy and long-lasting marriage. Authors Paul Donaghue and Mary Siegel give us ten rules of thumb for becoming a good listener in their book, Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication. Read through the following ten tips for effective listening and choose just one to implement today and develop as a good communication habit. 10 Tips for Effective Listening Make a commitment to listen to this person at this moment. Do not act as though you are listening if your heart is not in it or if the time is not right for you to listen. If you want to listen but are not free to pay attention at the moment, say so, but add that you would like to listen later. For example: “I can’t give you my attention now,…

The following five obstacles to effective listening and communication are taken from the book Are You Really Listening? by Paul J. Donahue, PhD and Mary E. Siegel, PhD. Each obstacle is summarized below, but can be read in full within chapter 2 of Are You Really Listening? (available at Ave Maria Press or Amazon.com). Why is listening so important for effective communication? “In our central relationship, our need to be listened to with respect and understanding is fundamental. When this need is met, it is most satisfying. The world can be indifferent, cruel, and judgmental, but we can hope to retreat to the safety of our home and the comforting understanding of our spouse” (Are You Really Listening?, p. 27). Obstacles to Effective Listening and Communication Obstacle 1. Intense Emotion “Powerful emotion is linked to profound need” (p. 30). Our relationship with our spouse is the place where we find comfort…

Today’s world seems to demand that we be master multitaskers. In a fast-paced culture of iPhones and instant gratification, our attention is often split in many directions. Let’s face it: multitasking is a myth. What does this mean when it comes to communicating within a relationship? No doubt, being a good listener is a crucial aspect of being a good husband or wife. But in today’s environment of constant sensory overload, the practice of being a good listener can really take some discipline and practice! Multitasking and Marriage I used to think I was made to multitask, because I really like combining activities like running on the elliptical with reading a book. But I’ve since realized that if I’m involved in a conversation, I can be seriously terrible at doing other tasks, even menial ones. Take, for example, the time when a friend called me to make sure I’d taken…

Let’s be honest. Everyone has a favorite chore. Maybe you love to call on your creativity by concocting lavish meals. Perhaps you enjoy categorizing things, so folding and organizing laundry is your shtick. If you’re a do-it-yourself type, you might find yourself in love with yard work. Or maybe you like to do the dishes. . .but does your spouse? But no matter what your favorite chore is, odds are that you have a least favorite one as well. And so does your spouse. So, what is a newly married couple to do with the list of chores that can’t go undone? How to Get Your Spouse to Do the Chores Some folks find that it works well to have “his and and hers tasks lists.” In this case chores are divvied up between spouses, and each spouse is responsible for doing the chores on his or her list. Other couples…