By John Bosio
With the release of the film trilogy The Matrix, a new word entered our popular vocabulary. The word “matrix” is actually an old word, according to the Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary. It dates back to the sixteenth century and has its roots in Latin. Matrix means “something from which something else originates” and “form or mold, and pattern.”
Matrix is a word that describes well God’s relationship with humanity and our relationship with God. He is our matrix; the source of our being and of our life. God is the pattern in the likeness of whom we were made. The prophet Isaiah proclaimed, “O Lord, you are our father; we are the clay and you are the potter: we are all the work of your hands.” (Is 64:8)
Marriage is not an institution invented by humans: God created it. When God made the first man and the first woman in his own image and likeness and brought them together to be husband and wife he left his fingerprints on their relationship. The marital bond was designed to resemble God’s own way of loving. St. John Paul II wrote in his Letter to Families, “The divine we is the eternal pattern of the human we, especially of the we formed by the man and woman created in the divine image.”
God is the matrix of our marital love. He is the measure of human love and the point of reference for husband and wife who want to learn to love each other. Benedict XVI writes in his encyclical on love, “God’s way of loving becomes the measure of human love.” St. John Paul II exhorted all spouses with these words: “Husbands and wives discover in Christ the point of reference for their spousal love.”
While we value the advice from psychologists on behaviors that help spouses build healthy marriages, we must never forget that what makes any marriage successful is something deeper than behaviors; it is the attitude and the values we bring to the relationship. It is what we believe about marriage that truly makes a difference. If we believe that God is the model for our loving then we have a clear point of reference and know where to turn to find guidance and strength in loving our spouse. Jesus’ words “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12) summon every spouse to give themselves to each other totally as he did for us.
Question for reflection: What is your point of reference in learning to love your spouse?
John Bosio is a former marriage and family therapist, director of religious education, and diocesan family life coordinator. He and his wife, Teri, wrote Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program from Ave Maria Press.
