We’d like to give you an opportunity to strengthen the rituals and routines that bind you together and make you unique as a couple. You’ll have an opportunity to look at or develop the routines you have that make sure you get the time you need to work, play, pray, communicate, and celebrate together.
Part I: Rituals
A ritual is a regular, scheduled, expected event that enables you to have the time you need to work, play, pray, communicate, and celebrate together. Sit down with your spouse, and consider your relationship. In the blanks below, write the rituals that mean the most to you in the following categories: work, play, prayer, communication, and celebrations. If you don’t have entries for a particular category, discuss rituals you could create to shore up this part of your lives together.
Work: Every week, we have regular, scheduled time to work together to keep our home and lives in good order. The following are some of the times
and ways we work together that mean the most to us.
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Play: Every week, we have regular, scheduled time to celebrate our lives together by doing something enjoyable that brings us closer. The following are some of the times and ways we play together that mean the most to us.
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Prayer: Every day, and throughout the week, we have regular, scheduled times and to come together before God to thank him for his gifts and ask for his guidance and help. The following are some of the times and ways we pray together that mean the most to us.
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Communication: Every day and throughout the week we make time to talk about our days, our schedules, and more important things such as the
direction of our individual lives and our life as a couple. The following are some of the times and ways we make time for communication that mean
the most to us.
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Celebration: Throughout the year, on birthdays, anniversaries, special seasons, and holidays, we have traditions that we look forward to. The following are some of the traditions that mean the most to us.
Birthday Traditions: ______________________________
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Anniversary Traditions: ____________________________
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Seasonal Traditions (nonholiday traditions that happen every winter, spring, summer, or fall):
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Holiday Traditions: _______________________________
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Other Important Rituals: Every couple has certain rituals that set them apart (e.g., unique celebrations, a special place they like to visit regularly, certain meaningful activities or experiences they regularly share together). The following are some of the unique rituals that make us “us.”
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Part II: Routines
Routines bring order to the common, everyday events of your life. They represent the way you manage each other’s expectations about chores,
the way you spend your time, the way you organize your day, and the way you make decisions. In the blanks below, identify the routines that mean the
most to you. If you don’t have entries for a particular category, discuss routines you could create to shore up this part of your lives together.
Describe your morning routine. Does it work for you both? Are there ways you would like to adjust your routine so that things go more smoothly?
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Describe the way you prepare your meals. Does it work for you both? Are there ways you would like to adjust your routine so that things go more
smoothly?
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Describe the way you do your regular chores (laundry, dishes, housekeeping, yard work, grocery shopping). Does it work for you both? Are there ways you would like to adjust your routine so that things go more smoothly?
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Describe the time you have at home in the evening together (e.g., when you have dinner, how you clean up after, what you do after dinner, and how and when you get ready for bed). Does it work for you both? Are there ways you would like to adjust your routine so that things go more smoothly?
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This excerpt from Just Married: The Catholic Guide to Surviving and Thriving in the First Five Years of Marriage is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
Gregory K. Popcak is a pastoral counselor and the executive director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, CatholicHOM.com, and the Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life. He is the author or coauthor of more than thirty popular books and programs integrating Catholic theology and counseling psychology, including BeDADitudes, Just Married, Then Comes Baby, and Parenting with Grace.
Lisa Popcak is the vice president of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a family-life coach, lactation consultant, and professional educator. She is the coauthor of Just Married, Then Comes Baby, Holy Sex!, and Parenting with Grace.
