Category

Communication

May 31
0

Tools for Money Management and Communication Skills

By | Communication, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment, Meaning of Marriage, Spirituality | No Comments

The commitment to be present touches all aspects of the marital rela­tionship. It is reflected in a special way in the honesty and trust spouses need to have with each other in their day-to-day interactions. One of the most tangible expressions of mutual trust and commitment is visible in a couple’s way of managing their money. Their ability to communicate openly about finances and to harmonize their buying and spending styles is critical to a couple’s development of healthy financial habits. This ability strengthens the relationship. Therefore, we will address here not only money management but also communication skills and the importance of remembering that no matter what we do we are always in God’s presence. Teri: Making a Budget Before John and I were married, we discussed how we would manage our money, and we agreed that we would have only one checking account. For us, having a common…

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May 31
0

The Value of Commitment and the Power of Grace

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Every couple wants their marriage to last a lifetime. Researchers tell us that the presence of an irrevocable commitment contributes to the happiness of the spouses. Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, and Maggie Gallagher, former chair of the National Organi­zation for Marriage, reported on their research in The Case for Marriage. They found that “having a partner who is committed for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, makes people happier and healthier.” But married life can be difficult, and today many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Many young people have grown up expe­riencing the pains of divorce in their homes. While wanting to marry, they find it hard to believe that marriages can last a lifetime and are afraid to commit. If you are one of them, take courage. One of the ben­efits of a marriage founded on faith is…

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May 31
0

What Confirmation Teaches Us about Marriage

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Christ’s love for us as expressed in the sacrament of Confirmation is the model for the love that you will promise to your spouse in your marriage vows. There are many similarities between the sacraments of Confirmation and Marriage: In Confirmation, the Holy Spirit binds the candidate permanently to Christ, and in Marriage, through your promises, the Holy Spirit will bind you permanently to your spouse. In Confirmation, the bishop marks the candidates with oil indicating that they belong to Christ. In Marriage, spouses mark each other with a wedding ring to indicate that they belong to one another. In Confirmation, the presence of the Holy Spirit strengthens the can­didate’s bond with Christ and his or her membership in the Church. In marriage, the spouses’ reliable presence to each other strengthens their bond, increases their mutual trust, and prepares them for life­long intimacy. Confirmation strengthens Christians in their mission to…

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Apr 25
0

Learning to Bring Comfort and Healing

By | Communication, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment, Meaning of Marriage, Romance, Spirituality | No Comments

In marriage, loving as Jesus means being aware of each other’s needs and pains and helping one another carry our burdens. One of the early challenges couples experience in marriage is the feeling of drifting apart and the anguish that comes from it. Dr. William Doherty writes that getting married is like launching a trip on the Mississippi River with a canoe. Unless the couple paddles to resist the currents, they will be carried downstream to places they did not intend to visit. Dr. Doherty writes in his book Take Back Your Marriage that after a few months or years of marriage, spouses tend to let their relationship shift into “automatic pilot,” and they drift apart. John: What’s Wrong with Us? The young lady sitting in my office looked distraught. Valerie and John had been married barely six months. They married dreaming of a blissful life together. Now, however, Valerie…

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Apr 25
0

Tools for Enduring Pain and Suffering in Faith

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Our Attitude Makes a Difference John: I Say “White”; He Says “Black” A few years ago I visited my sister and her husband who live in Italy. During a quiet moment when she and I were alone on her balcony overlooking the garden, she said with a frustrated tone in her voice, “How can I go on? He is driving me crazy.” She was referring to her husband. “There are days I cannot stand him. I say ‘white’; he says ‘black.’ I say, ‘Let’s go right’; he wants to go left.” Then, after a long pause, she added, “I guess this is life. We are different. He is my cross, and I am his.” She continued, “John, don’t misunderstand me. There are many good days, and I am grateful for them. I love him. But when things get tough, I pray a lot for peace, and then I carry on….

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Mar 28
3

Tools for Building a Strong Marriage

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Married life is full of conflicts. The tools we explore here are twofold: the communication skills needed for resolving conflicts and the power of prayer to help us grow in mutual respect and overcome our natural tendency to self-centeredness. Teri: War and Peace One summer, while sailing on a local lake, I saw a boat with a name that caught my attention: War & Peace. Someone told me that the boat belonged to an older couple, members of our parish. Weeks later when I saw them at a parish function, I said to them, “There must be a story behind the name of your boat.” Doris and Ken are a delightful pair. They looked at each other with a smile, and then Doris explained that early in their marriage they were looking for a way to spend fun time together. “We discovered that we both loved being on the water…

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Mar 28
1

Making Love or Having Sex: What’s the Difference?

By | Communication, Marriage Enrichment, Meaning of Marriage, Romance | No Comments

The Catholic Church regards marital intercourse as the most intimate gift of one person to the other and sees it as more than just “having sex,” which is having intercourse for self-gratification. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and a pledge of spiritual communion” (CCC, 2360). Making love involves a mutual surrender that unites body and spirit and that is the source of pleasure and joy. The Catechism reminds spouses that the physical pleasure of sexual intercourse is a gift from God to be enjoyed (CCC, 2362). It is in sexual intercourse that spouses celebrate their being a communion of persons. In that communion, they place their fertility at the service of God. For Catholics, sexual intercourse is always intimately tied to God’s creative power. Chastity and Tenderness in Marriage The virtue of chastity must guide you in…

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Feb 22
0

Learning to Forgive Unconditionally

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Bobby Died All Over Again at Our House  Teri: Some time ago, while John was organizing boxes of family photos, he came across a small envelope dating back to his youth. It contained two pictures of a younger John standing next to the late Senator Robert Kennedy Jr. Together with the pictures was the senator’s autograph.  I looked at the pictures with interest and told John that I wanted to show them to my friends who were coming over for dinner that day. These pictures were very special to John, and he did not want to part with them. But because of my insistence, he let me have them with a promise to take care of them.  The next morning, I went to the laundry room to transfer to the dryer a load of placemats used at dinner the night before. As I pulled them out of the washing machine,…

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Feb 22
0

Common Obstacles to Forgiving and Reconciling

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Anger, resentment, and violent behaviors are all obstacles to reconciliation, and their presence destroys a marriage. There are other obstacles that are less explosive but just as deadly to the relationship because they foster an attitude of hostility. Researchers at the Seattle Marital and Family Institute have identified four types of behaviors that hurt relationships. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Gottman’s research team calls these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” because they are the harbingers of death to the marital relationship.  The Four Horsemen  The first of the Four Horsemen is criticism. Criticism is blaming one’s spouse for something that has happened. There is a difference between criticism and complaining. A complaint is often a disagreement that can be stated in a respectful manner. We can express our opinion or feelings in a way that is not intended to hurt. Criticism, instead, contains the sting of condemnation…

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Jan 27
1

Praying Together

By | Communication, Marriage Enrichment, Spirituality | No Comments

Even when we realize the necessity of praying together as a couple, many of us are unsure how to go about it. We may have insecurities and anxieties about praying out loud. We may not even know what to say or how to say it. We may even wonder if our prayers are being heard. But it is relieving to know we don’t have to rely on ourselves to learn how to pray. The scriptures assure us that the Holy Spirit lives in us and is already interceding for us in our weaknesses (Rom 8:26). Jesus himself is also praying for us (Jn 17; Rom 8:34). We can be assured he is praying for our spiritual unity, because this was the focus of his personal prayer for all of us in the Upper Room before his Crucifixion: “I pray . . . that they may be one, as we are…

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