Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
—Ephesians 4:32
In Marriage Christ invites us to forgive our spouses as he forgives us in the sacrament of Reconciliation. Because forgiveness heals relationships, there are similarities between the sacrament of Reconciliation and Christian married love.
- For the sacrament of Reconciliation to be effective, it requires that we are sorry for the sins committed and that we promise not to repeat them. The same is true in marriage. For forgiveness and healing to take place, the offending spouse needs to express sorrow for the hurt caused, with the promise not to repeat the offense.
- To be forgiven in the sacrament of Reconciliation, the penitent is required to make amends for the harm done. This is called penance, and it can be a prayer or a work of mercy, depending on the seriousness of the offense (CCC, 1460). In marriage, the offending spouse asks forgiveness by offering an apology and making up for the hurt or damage caused.
- The process of forgiveness through the sacrament of Reconciliation is a two-way street that leads to reconciliation. We confess our sins and do penance to repair the damage caused by our sins, and Christ through the priest gives us God’s forgiveness. In marriage, too, the process of forgiveness is a two-way street that leads to reconciliation. The offending spouse admits his or her fault and repairs the damage, and his or her spouse lets the other know that he or she is forgiven.
- When God forgives through the sacrament of Reconciliation, he does not keep track of our sins on a scorecard. This should be the same in marriage. Once forgiveness is given, spouses need to put the past behind and not keep score of each other’s failings.
How the Sacramental Graces of Reconciliation Help Married Couples
Participation in the sacrament of Reconciliation (going to confession) has a positive impact on the marital relationship because it helps us correct our shortcomings. It also helps us grow in mercy toward the imperfections of our spouses.
When preparing to go to confession, we make an examination of conscience. During this examination, a married person is likely to find occasions when he or she caused pain to a spouse or simply neglected some responsibility. Inherent in the process of asking God for his forgiveness is sorrow for what we have done and the promise not to repeat our failings. Reconciliation not only reconciles us with God but also helps us correct the behaviors in our lives that hurt the people around us, especially our spouses.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains the benefits of regular participation in the sacrament of Reconciliation: “Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our consciences, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently the gift of the Father’s mercy through this sacrament, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful” (CCC, 1458).
Regular participation in the sacrament of Reconciliation will be beneficial to your marriage.
- Is Reconciliation a sacrament you receive regularly? Why or why not?
- If you are not Catholic, what are your impressions of this sacrament? What questions do you have?
For more information, read paragraphs 1420–1498 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
This excerpt from The Joined by Grace Couple’s Book is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
John Bosio is a former marriage and family therapist, director of religious education, and diocesan family life coordinator. He and his wife, Teri, wrote Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program from Ave Maria Press.
