Even when we realize the necessity of praying together as a couple, many of us are unsure how to go about it. We may have insecurities and anxieties about praying out loud. We may not even know what to say or how to say it. We may even wonder if our prayers are being heard. But it is relieving to know we don’t have to rely on ourselves to learn how to pray. The scriptures assure us that the Holy Spirit lives in us and is already interceding for us in our weaknesses (Rom 8:26). Jesus himself is also praying for us (Jn 17; Rom 8:34). We can be assured he is praying for our spiritual unity, because this was the focus of his personal prayer for all of us in the Upper Room before his Crucifixion: “I pray . . . that they may be one, as we are one, so they may be brought to perfection as one” (Jn 17:20–23, emphasis added).
Jesus’ prayer reveals his yearning, as our Bridegroom, for spiritual unity with us. It also reveals his desire and intention for our spiritual unity with each other. He won’t stop praying until this intention is fully realized. He desires our spiritual unity so that we can be deeply fulfilled and become a vibrant witness of his love to everyone around us. He invites us to pray with him for these same intentions. Trust that your prayers will be heard, because the Father desires their fulfillment even more than you do.
When we are unsure about how to pray, Jesus will teach us, just as he did with the disciples before us (Lk 11:1–13). He taught them a way of praying that has been passed down to every generation of believers. It has become the most common prayer of the Church: the Our Father. While we pray this individually and in community, I have come to realize that it is a particularly powerful prayer for married couples, because it confronts the varied obstacles that hinder unity in marriage and offers the antidote for each of these obstacles.
Too many of us rattle off this prayer with little thought. But Jesus never intended the Our Father to be a formula prayer, to be repeated mechanically.9 Rather, it is the intimate conversation between us and our Heavenly Father, asking for his grace, guidance, provision, healing, and protection. He is always faithful to respond. Recited with faith and with an open heart, this can be a powerful and healing prayer for your marriage. I can assure you that as you pray this prayer with heartfelt devotion, and faithfully practice these petitions in your marriage, the Father will transform every aspect of your relationship.
At the end of this chapter, you will have an opportunity to pray the Our Father together (or individually) for your marriage. Before you do so, I invite you to meditate on the meaning of each petition and consider how each one applies to your marriage. The first phrase of the prayer invites you to address God intimately, as your heavenly Father. The rest of the petitions are ways to confidently call on his fatherly care for your daily needs as a couple and within your family, and for protection from the spiritual opposition that threatens to destroy your unity. Recite each petition slowly and with understanding:
Our Father: You and your spouse are beloved children of the Father. He is your Abba. Take a moment and imagine you and your spouse resting on Jesus’ heart together.
who art in heaven: Heaven is where God dwells. As you pray together, realize that heaven is in your midst.
hallowed be thy name: God is holy. Prayer brings us in touch with our desire as a married couple to grow in union with him and to release our impurities.
Thy kingdom come: Invite his kingdom of “righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom 14:17) into your relationship.
thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven: Let go of your control and surrender your self-centered will to seek God’s holy will.
Give us this day our daily bread: Ask the Father for whatever you need in your marriage and family today.
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us: Let go of guilt, shame, and resentment, as you forgive each other from the heart.
and lead us not into temptation: Acknowledge your weaknesses and disordered desires and ask God to transform these desires into his holy desires, as you are strengthened to overcome temptations.
but deliver us from evil: Our victory over evil influences is not in our own strength, but in Christ (see CCC, 2854).
Having reflected on the petitions of the Our Father, practice praying together. It will only take a few minutes. The fruit will be well worth the investment. But first, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the primary obstacles to prayer and worship and how to combat them.
Take a Moment
- Are you devoted to praying together? Where do you recognize apathy and spiritual opposition in your prayer and worship, individually and as a couple?
- Review the section about praying through the different parts of the Mass with a focus on your marriage. What are your thoughts about worshipping together in this way?
- What stood out to you as you walked through the Our Father prayer?
Activity for Couples: Praying Together
- Pray the Our Father together very slowly; entertain the meaning of each petition. If you are willing, hold hands during the prayer. Keep the focus on your marriage: Our Father . . . may your kingdom come (in our marriage), and may your will be done (in our lives) as it is in heaven. Give us our daily bread (be specific about what you need). Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive one another (actively forgive each other for any areas where you are holding on to resentments).
- Worship is an expression of gratitude for all the good God has given us. After praying the Our Father, take turns offering a prayer of thanksgiving for your spouse out loud. Husbands go first: Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift my wife is for me and our family. Thank you for . . . (name specific areas of gratitude). Then, the wife prays a prayer of thanksgiving for her husband.
- Blessing is a way of invoking God’s presence. Take turns blessing each other. (If you are both willing, place a hand on your spouse’s shoulder.) Wife goes first. “Please bless (name) and fill him with your love, please give him (whatever you desire for your husband).” (Then husband bless your wife.)
- When you receive Jesus in the Eucharist, pray for the needs of your spouse and for a greater ability and willingness to love with Jesus’ self-giving love.
- When you begin to experience conflict in your marriage, pray the Rosary together and renounce any unloving thoughts in prayer.
This excerpt from Be Devoted: Restoring Friendship, Passion, and Communion in Your Marriage is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
Bob Schuchts is the bestselling author of Be Healed, Be Transformed, Be Devoted, and Be Restored. He is the founder of the John Paul II Healing Center in Tallahassee, Florida, and cohost of the Restore the Glory podcast with Jake Khym.
