By John Kindschuh
Couples struggle with challenges in life, but I would assert that my spouse enabled me to better serve others—and God—after a significant medical emergency. I had a cerebellar stroke at thirty-five years old in September of 2013. My wife Cindy and I had a three-year-old son, Ryan, and a newborn daughter, Maggie. Cindy was my constant in a chaotic world. Since nearly dying more than six years ago, I have been truly reborn.
Cindy’s devout support makes me reflect upon marriage in ways that may help other couples reexamine their relationship. My wife has taught me a great number of things about the Sacrament of Marriage, but there are seven things that I want to emphasize.
First, would you have married your spouse if you could have predicted his or her hardest times? For a few months I could not walk, so I was in a wheelchair. I could not effectively communicate: I barely spoke two words (much less a sentence), was unable to write, and I could not be understood on the telephone. Cindy was exceedingly patient and learned how to best support me. Seeing your future spouse in a humble manner is one way that God is calling all married couples.
Second, how would you react if you were suddenly forced to do something that you never envisioned that you would do? Cindy cared for a newborn baby while I fought for my life. For months she was essentially a single parent to a three-year-old and a one-month-old. Cindy did not choose to be my caregiver; she was thrust into the role in one day. Married life is about assuming new responsibilities for your future spouse.
Third, would you be willing to accept the emotional sacrifices that a marriage can bring? Cindy was put in a difficult position—she was given my wedding ring at the hospital because it could have fallen off or gotten in the way of medical personnel. Imagine how you would feel if a stranger gave you your spouse’s wedding ring which symbolized your religious promise. You can better sacrifice your emotional needs for your future spouse.
Fourth, how are you called to best serve your spouse? Cindy helped me to get dressed, drove our family everywhere, made numerous career sacrifices, and cooked all of our meals. The stroke was a way for Cindy to wash my feet—not with a basin and towel, but in many other powerful ways. Consider ways to serve your future spouse differently to meet his or her needs.
Fifth, do you fear becoming an obligation to your spouse? Like many people with serious medical conditions, I felt as if I were a burden on Cindy. I was concerned that I would be her cross to bear and I felt like a “weak link,” unworthy of the bond of marriage. I transformed that belief into one that I, too, was worthy of marital love. Embrace the vulnerability that comes with surrendering yourself to marriage.
Sixth, are you ultimately avoiding something incredible that is life-giving? I was afraid to have another child, especially after the stroke. Cindy saw through this and reminded me that I could not hide behind the stroke forever. Our daughter Anna was born on February 4, 2018. Aspects that you are avoiding may lead to discovering different purposes in your life.
Finally, can you help your spouse get to heaven? It is wisely asserted that marriage can better help us get to heaven. Our goal is hardly selfish as we try to do nearly everything for someone else. I almost died. Cindy had to be ready to leave me and she better enabled me to (hopefully) meet God. Marriage is ultimately about letting your spouse go into God’s loving embrace.
I feel closer to Cindy since the stroke than the day we were married. She is my best friend and spiritual companion. I cannot imagine my life without her. Learning from the experiences of other good Christian marriages can bring you closer to your future or current spouse, and in turn, closer to God.
John Kindschuh is an attorney at Bryan Cave Leighton Paisner LLP, and he and his wife, Cindy, have been married nearly eleven years, and they have three children: Ryan (10), Maggie (6), and Anna (2).
