By John Bosio
I am writing these notes while we are still in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Since our country, state and city are on lockdown, Teri and I are spending our days at home, each morning trying to figure out what day this is, since our routines are similar day after day. We remind each other of the movie Groundhog Day.
While there is gloom and fear in the air, from time to time I am pleased to find in my inbox articles that spotlight a possible silver lining when it comes to the future of marriage and the family. A series of such articles came from the Institute for Family Studies. I want to share what experts are projecting.
The rise of a “family first” model of marriage
Bradford Wilcox, visiting scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, believes that the current upheavals will change the way couples look at marriage. Unmarried men and women faced with economic insecurity and unemployment will be looking for marriage partners that can bring stability to their life and the life of their family. They will be looking to build a marriage that puts the basic financial, social, and educational needs of their family first—a family first” model of marriage. According to Wilcox, this will replace the “soul mate” model of marriage which has been prevalent since the ‘70s and which has failed many couples. The soul mate model is based primarily on romance, physical attraction, and self-fulfillment and has been glorified in numerous romcoms, pop songs, and movies. Couples coming out of today’s crisis, Wilcox says, will look for more than romance and physical attraction when entering marriage. They will want a relationship that brings stability to their life.
A redistribution of roles in the home
Marina Adshade, professor of economics at the University of British Columbia, addresses the impact of today’s forced social isolation on the domestic roles of men and women in the home. In this crisis, both men and women are being laid off and are stuck at home, short of income, and trying to make do with what they have—more home cooked meals, home schooling the children, housework, and more home production to save money. Adshade writes that this is a difficult time for many families, but it presents an opportunity to reconsider how men and women divide their responsibilities at home. She predicts that more couples will be discussing how they can help each other address the needs of their families.
A revision of work-family balance
Clay Routhedge, a professor of psychology at North Dakota State University, writes that after the pandemic many men and women will reconsider their own balance of work-family priorities. Having realized the fragility of life, we tend to evaluate what makes life worthwhile and focus our attention on what gives meaning to our life. We will realize how important family relationships are to us. Many of us will want to spend more time with our families and less time at work. This crisis may challenge us to come up with innovative ways to provide for our families and give more attention to the people important in our life.
A desire for meaningful social connections.
Justin Coulson, a bestselling author of parenting books, says that COVID-19 has brought unpredictability and insecurity to every family and the mental health of both parents and children has gotten worse, especially for those who were already ill. Domestic violence statistics show an alarming increase in domestic abuse reports during this crisis. However, Coulson points out that many families have decided to get back to basics. They want to reconnect with their roots and traditions, their faith, and other activities that bring them hope and surround them with a supporting community.
All of these reflections remind me of comments about the current situation made by Cardinal Robert Sarah during an interview with the French journal Valeurs. “The experience of confinement has allowed many to rediscover that we are really dependent on each other. When everything collapses, only the bond of marriage, family, and friendship remain. Above all, we have rediscovered that we are dependent on God.”
Once the pandemic moves on, individuals and families will be eager to reconnect face-to-face. They will be looking for community. They will hunger for meaning and spiritual guidance. Our parishes are places where many will find what they need: a faith community that offers tradition, meaning, hope, and spiritual comfort. Teri and I look forward to the day when we can join our parish’s extended family at Mass in our church and resume our life as a community.
Question for reflection: What is the silver lining for your family?
John Bosio is a former marriage and family therapist, director of religious education, and diocesan family life coordinator. He and his wife, Teri, wrote Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program from Ave Maria Press.
