By John Bosio
Do you remember private conversations before your wedding about how many children you wanted? I remember Teri dreaming out loud that she wanted to have six, just like her mother, but coming from a family of three I was secretly hoping it would not be so. I would say, “let’s start with one at a time.”
The conversation about children and when to have them is one that leads couples to choose a method for managing their fertility. Many women today choose to manage their fertility through some form of hormonal contraception—a method that has many side effects and risks. The Catholic Church considers all methods of artificial contraception as misguided. Let me explain.
In a Catholic wedding, just before reciting the vows, the priest asks the couple: “Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”
According to the Church, spouses are called to serve God with the gift of their fertility. We, as husband and wife, do not create life. God is the creator of life and fertility is the gift he has given us so that we can collaborate with him in that creation.
This fact is often forgotten in today’s society, which encourages us to control our fertility at will. The Church teaches that sexual intercourse is an intimate expression of love that bonds the spouses and through it the couple places their fertility at the service of God. Artificial contraception is misguided because it places our fertility in our control instead of being in service of God. It disrupts God’s design for human procreation.
So, how are Catholics to synchronize the birth of their children with the different needs and stages of their lives? The Church recognizes the need of spouses to space the birth of their children and she guides them to do it the natural way, following their fertility cycle as God designed it. (Humanae Vitae,16) There are only a few days each month when the couple is fertile. To conceive, the spouses have intercourse during times of fertility, and to postpone conception they avoid intercourse during those few days when they are fertile. Doctors and specialists have created reliable methods that successfully help couples track their fertility. These methods do not have side effects and are beneficial to the couple. They are known under the umbrella of Natural Family Planning (NFP).
A few years ago, Teri and I had the privilege of visiting with several married couples about the topic of NFP.
Jenny, married nine years, told us, “When we had difficulty conceiving a second time, we turned to Natural Family Planning to help us. We were successful.” Her husband John added, “Using NFP made us more aware of our bodies, our days of fertility each month as a couple. Most of all, it increased our intimacy.”
Joe and Theresa, married nineteen years, told us that they did not start their marriage practicing NFP, but gradually they realized that birth control was not helping their relationship and they decided to learn the Couple-to-Couple NFP method. Theresa explained, “In practicing this method we learn to communicate better with each other and discovered that there are ways to be intimate that don’t always have to involve having sex.” Joe commented, “Practicing NFP showed me that, as a man, I have self-control and because of it, I have a better relationship with my wife.”
Mark, married three years, shared, “I was a convert to Catholicism and I had never heard of Natural Family Planning. I was inspired when I learned that through NFP I can show respect for my wife and follow God’s plan for marriage.” Carol, his wife, added, “I feel blessed to know that my husband loves me enough to respect the natural cycle of my body. He realizes that he can express love to me in many different ways and is willing to go through the abstinence period because he understands that our relationship is not just sexual.”
The Church in the United States has an NFP awareness week each year in July in conjunction with the anniversary of the papal encyclical Humanae Vitae. This landmark encyclical spells out clearly what Catholics believe about human sexuality, conjugal love, and responsible parenthood.
If you are interested in learning about NFP contact your parish or the Family Life Office in your diocese.
Question of Reflection: What do you know about Natural Family Planning?
John Bosio is a former marriage and family therapist, director of religious education, and diocesan family life coordinator. He and his wife, Teri, wrote Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program from Ave Maria Press.
