By Fr. Joe Laramie, S.J.
Live-stream Masses. E-rosaries. Zoom Stations of the Cross. It was a strange Lent, for sure.
Many of us broke our Lenten resolutions—and gave up far more than we ever imagined.
Now that we’re in the Easter season, how can we make the most of these challenging times? Specifically, how is Christ calling us to grow in our most important relationships?
Here’s an activity for you and your spouse/fiancé to share after your next live-stream Mass together: Reflect on your “Spiritual Top 10.”
What’s a Spiritual Top 10? Everyone loves top ten lists, right? Top 10 movies. Top 10 quarterbacks. Even top ten bargain rosé wines.
These Spiritual Top 10 experiences are those times that you felt a special closeness to God. This could be an explicitly religious event such as your Confirmation, a great retreat, or cousin’s Baptism. These might also be powerful moments of love and grace in other settings, perhaps a college hiking trip to Colorado or a great family meal. Surely several of these events are connected to your spouse or fiancé: the first time you met, the marriage proposal, or the conception of your first child.
What is the Bible but an inspired collection of spiritual highlights? These are historical events where God was powerfully at work; Jesus is the capstone, for he is God With Us. Through the centuries, we never tire of retelling these stories. God creates Adam and Eve in loving relationship with him and with each other. God parts the Red Sea and frees his people from slavery. At the Last Supper, Jesus commands us, “Do this in memory of me.” In Christian life, memory, faith, and gratitude are bound together.
St. Ignatius Loyola invites us to “ask for interior knowledge of all the great good I have received, in order that, stirred to profound gratitude I may become able to love and serve the Divine Majesty in all things” (Spiritual Exercises, #233). With God’s help, this Spiritual Top 10 exercise can help to deepen your relationship with the Lord and with your partner. Let’s try it!
First, take some quiet time in prayer alone. Engaged couples (especially the extroverts!) may be tempted to do this together. Even if you both do this in the same room, I’d encourage you to begin in silence. Take time to talk to the Lord first. You might use a favorite prayer or a short scripture passage such as a Hail Mary or Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my Shepherd . . .”) to begin. Then ask the Lord to stir your mind and heart to recall a few moments when you felt especially close to him.
For some, it may be helpful to flip through an old photo album to jog your memory or even skim through some Facebook pictures! Again, you’re not just looking for fun experiences such as a trip to Disneyland or winning $50 in a slot machine. Rather, these are moments when you felt God active in your life in an important way. You might even recall some difficult times when someone reached out to you in love and support.
Second, jot down a few key words and images in a journal or notebook: “Mary’s wedding,” “college retreat,” or “river sunset.” Your top ten will slowly emerge. After you write down a few key points, take time to offer these to the Lord once again. Ask him to help you recall the sights, sounds, emotions, people, and words. St. Ignatius Loyola calls this spiritual method the “application of the senses.” Using your imagination, ask the Lord to bring you back to that event with renewed joy and gratitude.
Third, ask the Lord “How were you present and active in that moment?” You probably have some sense of this already; maybe this was an important turning point in your life or a time when your faith deepened. You can even ask the Lord to savor these experiences with “special spiritual relish,” as St. Ignatius writes. Let the Lord stir your heart as you reflect on these holy moments. It’s a way of ruminating and receiving these graces anew. Then thank the Lord for these moments. He is the Lord of Life and the author of my life. Thank him and rejoice.
Steps one, two, and three may take you thirty to sixty minutes or so.
Fourth, find an artifact from one of these events. It could be your baptismal certificate, a family photo, or the date of your favorite retreat.
Finally, sit down with your spouse/fiancé. You could do this after Mass with coffee. Light a candle if you want. Take turns sharing a few items from your list. Show your artifact. Listen carefully. You might ask a few follow-up questions: “How did you feel?” “How do you think God was at work there?” Extroverts, be careful! Let your partner speak at his/her own pace. If he or she is a bit shy, you’ll need to be patient. Introverts, even if you don’t say everything, try to name a few key details. This part may take thirty to sixty minutes. Close with a prayer and a warm embrace.
Fr Joe Laramie, S.J., is campus minister at St. Louis University. He adapted this piece from his book Abide in the Heart of Christ: A 10-Day Personal Retreat with St Ignatius Loyola.
