The Influence of Secular Individualism
In contemporary society, it has become difficult to see that our life and love may have a purpose greater than just our own self-satisfaction. We are constantly bombarded by messages that tell us to “put yourself first” and “do what feels good.” This individualistic view of life is an obstacle to serving God and each other.
The 2007 report published by the National Marriage Project called “The State of Our Unions” speaks of a cultural shift that is taking place in the United States. The social scientists report on the growing influence of “secular individualism.” Secular individualism is a mindset that is spreading across all modern cultures, touting a secular view of life. This way of thinking replaces the guidance of religious faith with the pursuit of personal self-fulfillment. Secular individualism is leading our society to distort the meaning of marriage; accept cohabitation, divorce, and abortion; condone promiscuity and pornography; downplay commitment; and belittle the value of living a life guided by religious faith.
In an interview with Peter Seewald, Pope Benedict XVI referred to what is happening today as “a poisoning of thought.”
Today’s trends favoring an individualistic view of life can lead young spouses to follow separate paths instead of a common path for their marriage. These individual paths can gradually lead them further and further apart from each other. Along the way, spouses disconnect, and if they are not paying attention to what is happening, they reach the point where one or both decide to jump ship for a more alluring voyage, either alone or with someone else. In the meantime, those who are hurt the most and left to suffer are the children. The top priority for any married couple—after each other—needs to be the children, our next generation, and their well-being.
Think of situations in which you experience the pull to do what feels good right now without thinking about whether it is right or wrong.
Staying on Course
Recently, we visited with couples in our parish community and asked them, “How do you protect yourselves from the daily invitations to indulge, consume, spend, and have a good life?” The most common responses we received were these, “We participate in the life of our parish and surround ourselves with couples who have similar values,” and, “We go to Mass every week, we pray, and we read the Bible and Catholic newspapers and magazines.”
Steve and Katie, married three years, said, “We decided to turn off the TV. We watch very few programs. We are selective in what we watch.”
Mike and Lori are a couple married fifteen years with two children.
Lori said, “To keep everything in perspective, I start my day by reading a short reflection. I want to remind myself that my purpose here is not to just rush from one thing to the next; we are here to love and help one another. It gets me off to a good start each day.” Mike added, “We like to help others as a family. We take the kids with us to the homeless shelter. They help serve dinner to the guests there. We feel it is our job to pass on to our children the values we learned from our parents about looking out for our neighbors.”
Jennifer and Caleb, married three years and brand new parents, said, “It is important for us to realize that we do not have the answers, and therefore we turn to the Bible, to the Church, and to the sacraments for guidance and strength.”
Mike, who has been married to Susan for twenty-five years, said, “This year I finally joined the Catholic Church. This has brought us
closer together.”
What is common to all of these couples is that they actively work at keeping their faith alive and turn to God and to the Church community for support and guidance. They frequent the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and the sacrament of Reconciliation.
How will you practice your faith?
What do you plan to do specifically?
This excerpt from The Joined by Grace Couple’s Book is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
John Bosio is a former marriage and family therapist, director of religious education, and diocesan family life coordinator. He and his wife, Teri, wrote Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program from Ave Maria Press.
