We invite you as a couple to enter into an examination of your own hearts. Spend time asking yourself and each other where there are wounds, and after opening the tomb and exposing the dead life within you, pray with each other for freedom and joy. As you read through this examination of wounds, write down or mark in your book which wounds afflict your heart. We have started a list below. Use our list, or if the Holy Spirit brings things to light that are not written here, add them. Add all of them and leave nothing in the tomb. It’s resurrection time. We will be praying specifically into each area in the next step.
Before you begin, make the Sign of the Cross and take a deep breath. Allow your hearts to enter into Christ’s peace. Invite the Holy Spirit to come and reveal what has been hidden. We can do nothing apart from the Holy Spirit. He is the comforter, the healer, and the power of God.
Come, Holy Spirit. Reveal to us the wounds of our hearts. Reveal the death that dwells within us. Expose the darkness, that it may be turned into light.
Lack of Forgiveness
Is there anyone in your life you have yet to forgive? Anyone from your childhood or adult life who has wounded you and still causes you to cling to resentment? Is there any reason you need to forgive yourself?
Feeling Neglected or Ignored
Was there a time in your life when you felt neglected or ignored? Are you feeling neglected or ignored right now in your life?
Conditional Love
Are there wounds from your past where you felt as if you had to earn love and that you were not enough? Do you feel as if you are at risk of losing your spouse’s love?
Abusive Past
Were you ever physically, sexually, or verbally abused? Have you hidden this abuse and not allowed it to be healed?
Fears and Anxiety
Do you have fear or anxiety that negatively impacts your ability to love and invest in your family? Do you have fear or anxiety that keeps you back from becoming the person God is asking you to be?
Sadness and Depression
Do you experience intense times of hopelessness and despair? Does your sadness make it difficult to invest in your spouse or family?
Anger, Frustration, and Impatience
Often these can be generational wounds that are passed down through families. Was there anger in your family that was conditioned in you? Do you hold your feelings in, causing resentment and outbursts of anger?
Perfectionistic Tendencies
Do you place unfair expectations upon yourself and refuse to have mercy on yourself for your shortcomings? Do you place unfair expectations on your spouse and/or your children and refuse to have mercy on them for their shortcomings?
Escapism
Do you avoid conflict and difficult situations? Are you afraid to let your spouse or others into your heart? Do you escape from difficult situations by leaving the house, turning to media, or escaping into your phone?
Addictions
Escapism often leads to addictions. Are you forming an addiction or do you have an addiction to drinking, shopping, overeating, television, streaming, or pornography?
Couple Discussion Questions
- What are we each experiencing right now?
- How can we support each other as we continue our journey through this retreat?
Couple Prayer
Taking the hands of your spouse, each spouse should pray the renunciations below, praying for personal healing.
In the name of Jesus, I forgive (insert one name) for (insert the action done by this person), and I call upon your love to flood my heart.
Repeat this simple prayer for as many people as you need to forgive.
In the name of Jesus, heal the wound of (insert one wound). Fill me with (ask for whatever grace you want to be filled with to heal this wound in
your life).
Repeat this simple prayer for as many wounds you seek freedom from.
This excerpt from Three Secrets to Holiness in Marriage: A 33-Day Self-Guided Retreat for Catholic Couples is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
Dan and Amber DeMatte are co-authors of Three Secrets to Holiness in Marriage: A 33-Day Self-Guided Retreat for Catholic Couples.
