There are often core wounds and hidden sins that lie behind each repetitive marital conflict. But because they are hidden, we need help discovering them. So, as you engage in this activity, I encourage you each to ask the Holy Spirit to help you see these hidden issues within yourself and your partner. As you explore these hidden wounds and sins, do so with understanding and compassion.
Personal Reflection
1. Begin by reflecting personally on how you perceive your marital conflict. See it clearly in your imagination. If you were to draw a picture of you interacting during conflict, how would you depict each of you in the argument? In your mind’s eye, pay attention to what each of you is expressing nonverbally through your body posture and facial expressions.
2. Once you can picture both of you in the scene, name the feelings that you observe in each of your faces and body postures. Write down what you believe each of you is feeling.
3. Now ask the Holy Spirit to show you when you had similar feelings as a child or teenager. Imagine a movie or illustration depicting you as a child or teenager in an interaction where you were hurt emotionally by your parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, siblings, friends, or someone of the opposite sex. What do you see? How do you feel? (You may want to draw or imagine this so you can visualize it.)
4. Write down what you saw and felt in that earlier scene and compare it to your feelings and actions in the marital conflict.
Couple Sharing
1. Once you have both completed the first part of this activity on your own, pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you in sharing your images and experiences.
2. First, take turns sharing your images of your marital conflict and what you wrote down about how you perceived what you each felt in the conflict.
3. Remember the purpose of this activity is to grow in understanding and compassion.
4. Then each of you take turns sharing your experience of being emotionally wounded in childhood or adolescence.
5. Share how you felt in that situation when you were younger.
6. Describe to your spouse your understanding of how your core wounds play into your current marital conflict.
7. Listen to your spouse describe their core wounds and what they felt. Allow yourself to feel compassion for your spouse in the areas
of their wounds.
8. Pray together and ask Jesus to heal you both from these core wounds and the wounds you have caused each other in your marriage
as a result of your conflicts.
This excerpt from Be Devoted: Restoring Friendship, Passion, and Communion in Your Marriage is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
Bob Schuchts is the bestselling author of Be Healed, Be Transformed, Be Devoted, Be Restored, and Do You Want to Be Healed? He is the founder of the John Paul II Healing Center in Tallahassee, Florida, and cohost of the Restore the Glory podcast with Jake Khym.
