Bill and Rebecca have been married now for nearly twenty-one years. They have three children, ages eighteen, fifteen, and eleven.

Just recently the two of them started marriage counseling for a variety of reasons.

As their children grew older, Rebecca began to feel more restless; the more she tried to talk to Bill about this, the more he seemed to avoid her. Also, as the years went by, Bill had become more sedentary in the evenings, and his TV watching had slowly but steadily increased.

So did his consumption of beer. Rebecca wondered to herself if her husband was developing a problem.

Again, whenever she would approach him about this, he became defensive. For the last year or so there has been an uneasy truce between the two. Both developed their own interests and attended to them, interacting with each other when it came to attending to their children’s needs.

When Rebecca realized that her first child would soon be off to college, she began to ask herself if she wanted to live the rest of her life just going through the motions of her marriage.

One night she told Bill, “I don’t know if I want to stay married if we aren’t going to communicate and if we avoid doing things together.”

This statement shook both of them up, and they both felt frightened and threatened. But this eventually led to the two of them seeking marriage counseling to get their marriage back on track.

At first, the sessions were rocky as they sought to reestablish trust and to reconnect with each other. They gradually began to get in touch with the energy they felt for each other when they first met, and they began to tackle what their marriage would look like once the kids started going to college.

As the sessions progressed, they noticed significant changes: Bill decided to quit drinking altogether, and both of them were spending more time together.

Conflict Resolution Case Study: Reflecting Together

Read the conflict resolution case study above and discuss the following questions together with your significant other. 

1. Can you imagine a similar thing happening to the two of you? What do you think led to the couple becoming distant from each other?
2. If your spouse ever began to drink more and it was a concern for you, what would you do?
3. If one night Bill had a little too much to drink, how might Rebecca apply the Event-Think-Do communication process to the situation?

All content, activities, and reflection questions are taken from the Marriage Preparation book, Before “I Do”, published by Ave Maria Press. For more information about this and other marriage resources, visit www.avemariapress.com. 

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(photo credit: apdk)