It takes effort to direct thoughts to things
that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely,
gracious, worthy of praise.
~ Amy Kuebelbeck
No matter how life is currently unfolding, I always look forward to greeting a new year. Its open space appears inviting, and the fresh prospects instill hope. Each January presents an opportunity to reestablish and reclaim what promises to keep me balanced and growing.
In late December, a television newscaster disparaged New Year’s resolutions as worthless, probably because studies show that almost 80 percent of them will be broken or discarded before the month is over. In spite of this fact, I believe resolutions to be valuable for my personal growth. Through the years I’ve found an intentional focus on some aspect of my attitude and behavior to be of substantial value. One simple intention can make a big difference in how I live.
I prefer to call these resolutions “affirmations,” positive intentions to guide and grow my life into greater wholeness. These simple statements in the present tense remind me that not only are there more changes for me to make, but also that making these changes is possible. Of course, the affirmation has to be practical and doable. If I expect a complete makeover of who I am in one year, I will surely be disappointed. I also need to hold the vision near to my heart each day. That’s the key. Write the resolution down, read and renew the intention each morning, and then make an effort to practice it. In doing so, the desired change imperceptibly takes hold as the year proceeds and gradually becomes internalized.
I never have to look far for what might be nudging me toward transformation. In the past, these have been some of my affirmations: be aware of the good in my life that I take for granted, give sufficient time for leisure and less time to endless tasks, close the day with a prayer of gratitude for something beneficial that took place, and cease holding grudges toward those who offend me. Sometimes these affirmations have been repeated in future years due to my weak efforts, but usually my life reveals definite growth because of them.
This year my intention to change arrived in a four-day end-ofyear meditation retreat. Each day found me sitting next to the same person as we moved through many periods of silence. The first two days went well. But in the morning of the third an irritating noise announced my wake-up call. It came in the form of a continual sniffle.
On my right sat a hefty man in his forties. As soon as we began the early morning meditation he began to sniff loudly. Surely he’ll pull out a tissue and blow his nose, I thought. Doesn’t he realize how obnoxious that sounds? But the sniffling went on and on. I think I’ll count how often he sniffs. I’ll bet it’s every minute. Sure enough, about every fifty seconds came another big, wet one. Finally, I became conscious of what was going on inside of me. I smiled at how I was allowing myself to be distracted by Mr. Sniffles’ behavior.
After all this interior fussing, I finally did what wise teachers of meditation suggest: I chose to let the sound be there. Before long the sniffle became just so much white noise. My irritated self settled into stillness. This taught me anew that I can choose to let negativity rule my response to what I do not want, or I can choose to simply allow it to be present. The days will rarely fail to bring something I do not desire or someone whose personality traits or behavior I’d like to adjust or eliminate, whether those of a familiar person or a stranger I encounter. Instead of focusing on these frustrations, my affirmation for this year includes, “I am at peace with what I cannot change.”
After I shared this experience regarding my accepting the irritating behavior of another, I learned about a husband who “snores in varying decibel levels,” another who talks way too much, and “a woman who sits behind me at church who really rattles my cage.” The comment that especially captured my attention was from a friend who wrote, “I had a similar experience. I became obsessed with a woman at a retreat who was a fussy eater and held up the buffet line every meal. I let her drive me nuts for a few days; I always seemed to end up eating where she was sitting and was totally obsessed with her rudeness. I finally calmed down and began to realize she was to be my teacher. I always smile when I reflect on that week. Do you suppose the leaders plug in those sorts of people at meditation retreats for slow learners like me?”
To begin this new year, I’ve taken a few verses from Psalm 139 and adapted them to fit my focus of renewal. Perhaps you may find these verses beneficial when you look at how you intend to live in this new year.
Holy One, you created me in my mother’s womb.
You know the core goodness residing within me.
You also know my propensity for self-orientation.
You see how I want others to meet my expectations.
You know the thoughts and feelings that run rampant
when I encounter someone whose behavior I resist.
If I say, “Surely I can get this person to be as I want,”
nudge me with your grace-filled message:
“Leave the other person’s transformation alone.
Tend to your own shortcomings that have to change.”
In this new year, guide me to a clearer awareness.
Lead me to move beyond a wish to modify others.
Focus my attention on how to approach what I resist.
May I become more alert and accepting of the reality
that the only person I am able to change is myself.
This excerpt from Return to the Root is reprinted with permission of Ave Maria Press.
Joyce Rupp is well known for her work as a writer, retreat leader, and spiritual midwife. She serves as a consultant for the Boundless Compassion program. Rupp is the author of numerous bestselling books, including Praying Our Goodbyes, Open the Door, Return to the Root, Jesus, Friend of My Soul, Jesus, Companion in My Suffering, and Jesus, Guide of My Life. Her award-winning books include Boundless Compassion, Fly While You Still Have Wings, and Anchors for the Soul. She is a member of the Servite (Servants of Mary) community.
