By Ann M. Garrido
I woke this morning on what feels like Day 419 of the ‘Rona—as my son has taken to calling it—and his father has once again left a half-drunk soda can in the middle of the coffee table overnight. I snarl as I don mask and hat. I search for the apartment key, which is not where I left it, as I stumble over his huge, heavy shoes deposited right in front of the door. (Seriously, why can’t anyone put anything away in this place? And by anyone, I mean my husband.) And, oh yes, I search for my rosary. I’ve taken to praying it again as I walk in the morning so I put that in my pocket as well. I typically say a decade for Steve—a friend of a friend who is suffering from multiple myeloma. A decade for my sister-in-law undergoing her second round of chemo. A decade for. . . There are so many intentions to pray for right now. As I hit the outdoors, I often jump right in at the Our Father of the first mystery.
But this morning my fingers root through my left pocket to find the cross. I remember to start at the very beginning with the Creed, grounding myself anew in what I believe. It helps me to breath more calmly. And then I grasp that little string of beads before the decades begin. An Our Father, three Hail Marys, and a Glory Be. I remember the instruction I was taught ages ago to accompany this short strand: “For an increase of faith, hope, and charity.” I pause. Really I need go no further today because—more than anything—that is what I need right now. An increase of faith, hope, and charity.
These have been dark days. As we enter the blustery, rainy hurricane season here in South Florida, they feel even more so. Every day tastes almost exactly like the last—a confusing stew of fear and anxiety served over a bland bowl of mundaneness. And although it is hardly my husband who chose this menu, he is the only other person at the table in our little apartment and so the easiest one to complain to about it. Which is only a short distance from “the easiest one to complain about.” Minor irritations are magnified and quickly can become arguments.
It’s not really about the soda can and it’s not really about the huge, clunky shoes. It’s about uncertainty regarding our jobs and our financial future. It’s about when we will get to see our son on the other side of the country again . . . and if we will get to see our aging parents again. It’s about a pervasive sense that things will never return to “normal” and that with ongoing global climate change, we can only expect more novel viruses, more hurricanes, more sudden and drastic interruptions of our everyday plans in the future. Only with great care will my husband and I avoid it becoming about each other. When raging against a great unknown, it is so easy to rage against the person nearest by.
To thrive (okay, maybe we should settle for “survive”) as a couple this time, what we will need most is an increase of faith, hope, and charity. Faith is that capacity to keep leaning in, even when it would be easier to opt out. Hope is that capacity to keep longing for the good, even when the good is not realized on Day 419. Charity is that commitment to do right by the other, even when you want to chuck their shoes off the balcony. The stability of every marriage depends on these virtues, but most especially so at this moment.
So join me in finding your rosary right now and before praying for all the needs of your wider family, friends of friends, and world, begin with a gentle and honest prayer for you and your spouse. Pray for the capacity to see your spouse across the table not as the problem, but as the partner who is also not keen on this current “stew.” Pray for an increase of the faith, hope, and charity necessary to make everything else going on feel more manageable. And then, with God’s grace, let’s lean in, long for good, and love some more.
Ann M. Garrido is the author of multiple books including the award-winning Redeeming Conflict, which introduces communications tools for Christians in tense situations. She and her beloved have been married for 26 years and live in Miami, Florida.
