In the video below, Dr. Tony Garascia, marriage and family counselor and author of Before “I Do”: Preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage, shares a few tips on how to overcome conflict in marriage. In this presentation, Dr. Garascia gives evergreen advice for growing your marriage, particularly in resolving conflict in marriage.
Watch the video and use the reflection questions below to discuss how these tips might be applied to your marriage:
(Can’t see the video? Watch “Conflict in Marriage” on YouTube.)
The analogy he uses for growing your marriage is a tree. In order to grow your marriage, you need the nutrients of love, empathy, and understanding.
What are the causes of conflict in marriage? Marital conflict can be traced to the poisons that can kill your tree of marriage:
- criticism
- contempt
- defensiveness
- stonewalling
What are the conditions for successful conflict resolution in a relationship?
Communicate empathy by valuing your partner’s feelings, talking about your own feelings, and listening to your spouse. This requires you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Also, refrain from the four poisons of marriage.
5 Steps Toward Successful Conflict Resolution
Finally, Dr. Garascia shares five steps toward successful conflict resolution:
- Awareness and restatement of your partner’s feelings and position.
- Using the language of “we” during conflict.
- Listening with empathy and validating the person’s experience and feelings, even in conflict (being able to state the other’s position and feelings.)
- Knowing what your role is: listener, problem solver, etc.
- Affirming the relationship in the midst of conflict (“I love you, I want to be your friend, etc.”)
Reflection Questions
- Which of the four “poisons” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) do you find in your relationship?
- What are some ways you can show empathy in your relationship?
- Which of the five steps toward successful conflict resolution do you need to implement the most? Can you think of an example where you should have used one of these steps?
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This eRetreat session is a part of the “Conflict and Communication” eRetreat series at Together for Life Online. It is completely free. Sign-up here if you are interested in experiencing it for yourself.