Category

Communication

Dec 22
0

Activity for Couples: Marital Conflict and Core Wounds

By | Communication, Marriage Enrichment | No Comments

There are often core wounds and hidden sins that lie behind each repetitive marital conflict. But because they are hidden, we need help discovering them. So, as you engage in this activity, I encourage you each to ask the Holy Spirit to help you see these hidden issues within yourself and your partner. As you explore these hidden wounds and sins, do so with understanding and compassion. Personal Reflection 1. Begin by reflecting personally on how you perceive your marital conflict. See it clearly in your imagination. If you were to draw a picture of you interacting during conflict, how would you depict each of you in the argument? In your mind’s eye, pay attention to what each of you is expressing nonverbally through your body posture and facial expressions. 2. Once you can picture both of you in the scene, name the feelings that you observe in each of…

Read More
Nov 28
0

Critical Issues

By | Communication, Family Life, Finances, Finding Joy, Sexual Intimacy and NFP | No Comments

By the end of Margie’s life, Margie and I still had many unresolved conflicts between us, though we grew tremendously over the years in our ability to honor and respect each other despite these many differences. Some of our conflicts originated in personality differences, some in gender differences, and others from different values and lifestyle choices. Underlying all these were our “deeper hidden issues,” which Gottman identifies as the most critical in marriage. These deeper hidden issues included our respective areas of selfishness, sins, and wounds. These underlying issues fueled the surface conflicts and made them far more intense and hurtful. Most couples have difficulty accepting, honoring, and negotiating differences when it comes to these “deeper hidden issues.” Our fallen nature has a basic core of self-centeredness that hinders our capacity to reconcile our differences and become more unified. We also bring into marriage a whole lifetime of accumulated vices…

Read More
Sep 26
0

Gender Differences

By | Communication, Family Life, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment | No Comments

There are many people and organizations today that downplay the importance of gender or want to deny there are any differences between men and women. But the popularity of bestselling books such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and Men and Women Are from Eden show that many married couples are quite interested in understanding the inherent differences between the sexes. Research has validated that there are fundamental differences in the way men and women relate in marriage. And scripture highlights these differences in the creation story: “God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Gn 1:27). I was amazed while studying the theology of the body to discover the rich meaning of the Hebrew names for male and female. The word male in Hebrew is zakar. It literally means “to remember,” and it speaks to…

Read More
Aug 30
0

UNDERSTANDING THE ROOTS OF CONFLICTS

By | Communication, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment | No Comments

[Love] does not seek its own interests, . . . it does not brood over injury. —1 Corinthians 13:5 Your marriage will largely succeed or fail depending on how well you understand and reconcile the unavoidable conflicts that are inherent in your relationship. No matter how compatible or incompatible you believe you are, some level of conflict is inevitable. How you understand and address these issues will make the difference between whether you have a good marriage or a poor one, or one that falls somewhere in between. If handled well, your conflicts will bring you into deeper unity and intimacy with each other. If ignored long enough, unresolved conflicts can become internalized, and cause one or both of you to withdraw your love. Understanding your conflicts does not mean that all of them are resolvable. In fact, according Dr. John Gottman’s research, most conflicts in marriage are not resolvable….

Read More
Aug 30
1

An Examination of Your Hearts for Married Couples

By | Communication, Family Life, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment, Spirituality | No Comments

We invite you as a couple to enter into an examination of your own hearts. Spend time asking yourself and each other where there are wounds, and after opening the tomb and exposing the dead life within you, pray with each other for freedom and joy. As you read through this examination of wounds, write down or mark in your book which wounds afflict your heart. We have started a list below. Use our list, or if the Holy Spirit brings things to light that are not written here, add them. Add all of them and leave nothing in the tomb. It’s resurrection time. We will be praying specifically into each area in the next step. Before you begin, make the Sign of the Cross and take a deep breath. Allow your hearts to enter into Christ’s peace. Invite the Holy Spirit to come and reveal what has been hidden….

Read More
Jul 25
0

Common Obstacles to Serving with Love

By | Communication, Family Life, Marriage Enrichment, Marriage Preparation, Meaning of Marriage | No Comments

The Influence of Secular Individualism In contemporary society, it has become difficult to see that our life and love may have a purpose greater than just our own self-satisfaction. We are constantly bombarded by messages that tell us to “put yourself first” and “do what feels good.” This individualistic view of life is an obstacle to serving God and each other. The 2007 report published by the National Marriage Project called “The State of Our Unions” speaks of a cultural shift that is taking place in the United States. The social scientists report on the growing influence of “secular individualism.” Secular individualism is a mindset that is spreading across all modern cultures, touting a secular view of life. This way of thinking replaces the guidance of religious faith with the pursuit of personal self-fulfillment. Secular individualism is leading our society to distort the meaning of marriage; accept cohabitation, divorce, and…

Read More
Jul 25
0

Tools for Building a Strong Marriage

By | Catholic Weddings, Communication, Family Life, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment, Spirituality | No Comments

For our love to be life-giving, we need to be connected with one another. Unfortunately, in today’s electronically linked world, we are sometimes more aware of the people on the other side of our phone or the Internet than of the people who are sitting in front of us: the members of our family. How can we provide for their needs and be of service to them if we are not aware of them? John: Invisible People Dave and Diane are a couple in their early thirties. Married seven years, they have two children. Dave is a successful professional, and Diane works part-time at the local library. They are a normal couple and have the problems that all couples have. As I listened to Diane and Dave describe, during a counseling session, their problems and their schedules, I formed a mental picture of their evenings’ routine. It is 7:00 p.m….

Read More
Jul 25
0

How the Sacramental Graces of Marriage Help Couples

By | Catholic Weddings, Communication, Family Life, Marriage Enrichment, Marriage Preparation, Meaning of Marriage | No Comments

The sacrament of Marriage is not just a ritual you will celebrate on your wedding day. Your wedding rite is the door that opens your heart to the graces you need to be a credible icon of Jesus’ love each day of your life—a sacrament of God’s love. Being married in the Church in a sacramental marriage is an act of faith that brings you many graces. It is because of your faith that you allow yourself to be touched by God and love your spouse in good times and bad. You let the example of Jesus and the prompting of the Holy Spirit guide you and influence you every day. • When you are upset and hurt in your relationship, it will be your faith that urges you to turn to Jesus who will guide you back to each other. • When you bask in the love of your…

Read More
Jun 28
0

Tools for Communication and Prayer

By | Communication, Marriage Enrichment, Marriage Preparation, Meaning of Marriage, Spirituality | No Comments

The road to mutual welcome and acceptance requires spouses to do a great deal of listening and to engage in honest, self-giving conversation with each other and with God. Listening with an Open Mind Spouses often give one another advice that is helpful. At times, though, the advice is unsolicited and can create barriers, conflict, and even hostility. Marriage experts tell us that too often this advice is seen as nagging or bossy and therefore too frequently is simply dismissed, despite the fact that there is considerable advantage to listening to one’s spouse with an open mind and at least considering, if not always accepting, his or her advice. Teri: The Door John and I were married two and a half years and had a ten month- old daughter. We were living in our first home and decided to install a storm door for our front entrance. We went to…

Read More
Jun 28
1

Accepting Your Spouse as Precious Gift

By | Communication, Finding Joy, Marriage Enrichment, Marriage Preparation, Meaning of Marriage, Spirituality | No Comments

You welcome and accept your spouse as Jesus welcomes you when you embrace him or her as a precious gift. Between 1979 and 1984 St. John Paul II gave a series of talks on the dignity of the human person and marriage. These lectures became known as the Theology of the Body. Then pope, John Paul taught that God gave Eve to Adam and Adam to Eve as a gift. He made each for the other. You are made for each other, and in marriage you give your spouse the gift that you are. In your mutual self-giving and receiving, you affirm one another as a man and as a woman and you grow closer together. When leading retreats for married couples, we often ask, “How is your spouse a gift from God to you?” Here are some of the answers we have heard: “We are thankful that God made…

Read More